One of the worst situations that could ever happen to a coffee lover in the history of the world happened to me yesterday morning: my Gevalia stainless steel 12-cup coffee maker suddenly stopped working. It just would not brew, even though I tinkered with it for a few minutes. The usual idiotic questions rolled through my head (Is it plugged in? Is it turned on? Did I put water in it?), and after a short evaluation it hit me that I was not broken, but the coffee maker was. To make matters worse, I had a sort of “Office Space” moment with the Mr. Coffee coffee maker that had faithfully lasted for years and years until it too met its untimely demise, so needless to say, I didn’t have a backup plan. Also, I live in Rural Town, U.S.A., and Starbucks or any other type of convenient coffee was a nice twenty minute drive away. Considering that Gevalia was the source of my troubles, I gave them a call. It was the second of their coffee makers that I had owned over the past two years, the first one lasting only a few months. Thanks to having a warranty, they had to replace the first one, so logically it made sense that it would happen again. I was wrong. I can talk my way into many, many things, but I could not talk those outsourced Gevalia employees to send me a new one. Apparently, they want to make sure that they lose customers, and I kindly informed the second person I spoke to of this before hanging up.
Eventually it dawned on me that there must be some other way to get my morning java fix. I stared at the stove, looked at a pot, and a light bulb appeared over my head. I took the same amount of water and coffee that I put in the coffee maker and put it in a pot on the stop-top and brought it to a boil. I then took the coffee strainer out of the coffee maker and put it in the coffee pot, strained the freshly boiled brown mess and voila! I had my coffee. It was absolutely delicious, almost making the situation balance itself out.
There are two morals of this story. The first is to never, under any circumstances, buy a Gevalia coffee maker. They belong in a junkyard. The second is to have a backup plan, because if you’re anything like me, you don’t think about this sort of stuff until it happens.